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Homeopathic communion wafers
#1
As many of you know, I have recently become a theist.
In the past, as a diseased, drug addled atheist, I promoted several products online, for profit.

There was the Brass Polish; the Free energy device, etc.

You Catholics out there know about Holy Communion, and the wafer the priest gives you.
That wafer gives comfort to millions of Catholics each week.

Well, imagine that wafer giving nine times more comfort! Or even more!

My new product has been potentiated by tried and true homeopathic procedures.

This new communion wafer is produced in our sterile, vegan laboratories, and is gluten free.

We begin with a single blessed communion wafer and dissolve it in holy water....nine times the weight of the original wafer.
After much stirring and vortex creations and direction changes, that solution is further diluted, nine fold.

A 2 hour lecture at the site "Homeopathic Communion Wafers.com" will explain the scientific details of the process, and explain to you where to send for these inspired symbols of Christ's Body.
At the end of the lecture, you will be instructed on obtaining your trial package of 12 homeopathic communion wafers, with a money back guarantee if you are not delighted with the results.

Than you for your time and consideration,

Yours in Christ,

Stankington Pew Stankster III

(D.D.P.; M.P.F. D.M.P., second level; L.L.S.
)
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#2
I'm sorry, I couldn't possibly trust anyone who can't produce a BSA diploma.

What's the commission on a suggestion that the wafers pre soaking be made from grain grown in the Holy Land? Preferably on the slopes of Golgotha? If there's no dough in it then forget I mentioned it.
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#3
I'm open to suggestions that will improve the product.
I like the idea of using ancient glacial ice as the raw material for the holy water.

You get what you pay for.
And these wafers aren't cheap.
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#4
This is a genius idea, stanky!

Holy than thou wafers.
Love is... that one person whose freshly-warm toilet seat you don't find disgusting.
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#5
Different product line, but what the hell:

Wrath Of God Weed And Feed

Whadya think?

It's the latest in the "Scorched Earth" home and garden line........................
You can lead 'em to knowledge, but you can't make 'em think.
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#6
(03-13-2015, 01:30 PM)sparks Wrote:  Different product line, but what the hell:

Wrath Of God Weed And Feed

Whadya think?

It's the latest in the "Scorched Earth" home and garden line........................

Sparks were you spying on my former garden???  'Scorched earth' nailed it!!

I mowed it with the Wrath of Roundup!  It was weed central.  It was Satan's greenhouse!  It was nature's experimental laboratory for testing the viability of the maximum varieties of noxious weeds in the smallest possible area.  It was the Hell that gardeners are sent to!

Send a pallet load of that Wrath of God Weed and Feed to my old address as I'm betting they're in dire need of it unless they've concreted the entire block!

This was the back yard, post the 3 monthly Roundup apocalypse.  All the brown ground was my yard.  The weeds stopped at the boundary.  Obviously the topsoil was provided by some sadistic bastard who had  seeded it as a weed bomb!

[Image: IMG_0162_zps9uuqmfoa.jpg]
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#7
Whats the thingy in the far left of the photo? A rainwater tank???
You can lead 'em to knowledge, but you can't make 'em think.
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#8
Yes Sparks, a big bulky bugger of a thing but they are more or less mandatory for new builds in rural areas and not a bad idea at all.  
Not a necessity really as drought in that area is any time it doesn't rain for two weeks,  but it's a good idea to take the pressure off the town water supply for hosing gardens etc.  Not that I ever did, only the bloody weeds ever grew.

That garage was just put in as a storage shed/workshop it was a tight fit to get a car in and out of and it was never used for that, the house had a double garage built in.

I only put my half of the fence up, I left the neighbour to put his half up when he's cashed up, I had to fence off  that bit as it's a public park and shortcut from the pub and I didn't want drunks wandering over the retaining wall up behind where the photo was taken from and fetching up under the windows moaning.  The cuz just strung up that wire fence to keep the dog in.
It was all a bit redneck rustic but what the hell, who cared?

Weeds aside, I still really miss living there. siiiiigh.
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#9
I just lost a long post about god and snakes and how the age and size of a particular flavor of magical thinking provides credibility.
I touched the wrong button, and "poof".

If the whackadoodle ceremony you engage in is practiced by many millions of people, and it's been followed for many centuries....

Well, it doesn't really matter what the deal is.
Just don't try to claim a different flavor of magic-think and think you'll get away with it....
For that is the way of the cult.

I'm not seeing chocolate communion wafers at a Catholic Mass any time soon.

But a homeopathic wafer that looks and feels like the real deal, with added holy powers, might sound cynical on some level...
Instead, it amplifies the expectation of the reality of the brain waves of the devout Catholic.

in my dark past, before I became a theist, I sold my own brand of black-market placebos.
There are certain personality types that get some extra power from a placebo, if they believe it to be illegal.
Other types extract more of the immune-system strengthening that faith offers us, if their sacrament is more expensive than the others.

Well, my life of crime and intrigue in the market place has come to a halt.
No more will I gather the tears of young women in abortion clinics and sell them on Ebay as the concentrate of emotion elixir that they are.

The homeopathic communion wafer is my gift to the world, and it is not particularly at odds with official church doctrines.
Sincere Catholics deserve the highest quality communion wafer that money can buy.

The old wafers are junk food, and Jesus would be insulated.

The hint of grain should be grown bio-dynamically; which is beyond normal organic standards.
They should be distributed to various churches in elegant, beautiful, and long-lasting containers...similar to what you might find in very high-end Christmas cookies.

Christ be with you.
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#10
WTF? Make 'em out of recycled card board. I'm sure 'the faithful' won't mind, especially if they don't know................. Smile
You can lead 'em to knowledge, but you can't make 'em think.
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